My heart warmed up when I read the message that schools are highlighting the light and dark side of using the internet and how parents could be partners in education to guide our children on the usage. This reminded me of the seminar I attended on cyber wellness by Associate Prof Angeline Khoo. She invested real time with the cyber games to understand the behaviour of those in the games. If you ask me, I think she has done a fantastic job! To share some of her notes here:
Benefits of Game-Playing
It is claimed that games can help children:
1) develop strategic thinking and planning skills
2) generate creative solutions to problems
3) improve their processing visual information and eye-hand coordination
4) provides especially males, with an outlet for their pent-up emotions
Well, parents unless you play with your kids, you would not know whether they are aware that they are living their values through the game. What are the consequences of the choice of their action from the strategies? How do they make decisions in who they play with, in teams or as an individual? They drift away as you get busy with your own stuff. The gap will become wider when you cannot connect with what they say about their games. Then you would have to find another way.
My husband and I tried to 'play' my 12 yrs old's game - "maple story" and 16 yrs old boy's game War Craft and less than 3 minutes we were so giddy!
So what now? so I find other ways of connecting with my son. Not fixing him but letting go of anxiety myself first. If you don't, you may end up in a 'power struggle' situation. Especially when you are talking about teenagers. Teenagers are not here to rebel. They are simply going through changes in their hormones and struggling to find their own identity. Likewise, we may be at cross-roads, searching for meanings in life too. That is no wonder, many parents find it so challenging to deal with this period of time. The 'Letting go' can be very challenging for many because it is about getting out of your comfort zone, your past belief and also letting go of your identity in search of the 'lost you'. We all need support, encouragements and tips to share with one another and that we are not alone. It is OK to say that "I need help."
According to Associate Professor Angeline Khoo:
Digital games offer children and teenagers:
1) promote positive feelings
2) provide outlet for aggression, has cathartic effect
3) as learning tools
* meet psychological needs:
1) entertainment and leisure
2) emotional coping - from loneliness, stress, low self-esteem escape from reality
3) satisfying social needs, making new friends, strenghening friendships, generating sense of belonging and recognition
5) need for challenge and achievement
6) need for excitement
7) need for power
I can only summarise two words about human behaviour and they are:
Confidence and self-esteem. When parents are able to help children build on these two key elements in life, half the battle is won.
From my past experiences, I also realised that building the self awareness is the key to many answers to the unanswered questions.
The self discovery that I often talked about is really for parents to get real and get their life back. Build on your communication skills and relationships with them. How? When you know who you are and lead an inspiring life, your children will cooperate with you during this awkward time instead of struggling with heart-wrenching relationships. When you look at them with potential, they project potential and strive to live up to your projection of them. "Law of attraction".
It won't be long, in a short few years' time you wont see much of them. They will be out with their friends as adults. This is also the time they want you to be seen not heard, i.e. if you are still nagging.
Tips: Set your own goals, continue educating yourself, do what you love doing, love your children for who they are, not on their academic achievements. It's about them and not about you anymore. Be a Life Coach
I find blogging and swimming therapeutic. I am consciously aware of living my values. Building my 2nd career is also a wise choice, getting ready for an empty nest syndrome.
I have to ask myself this question each time I am stuck! What is this magic question? What is more important? My answer, "Our relationship". So what is your answer? When relationship is more important to me, I build on that and when your children are connected to you, whatever you say to them , they hear you. They dont shut down or have a show down with you! Isn't this better than ending up in cold war, silent war and what have you.
As a parent who has gone through many seminars, radio talks, books, workshops, my final findings is that we can leave the teachings of subjects to the school teachers but we cannot leave the life skills to the teachers. With the current educational system it is simply not realistic. Whatever the schools can do we can sometimes tear it down and vice versa. Parents and teachers impact lives. We can't escape from this truth. When parents and teachers' values are not aligned with their living you can rest assured that they would be transferring negative energies to the children. So instead of trying to fix our children, we may want to look from within and ask,
"What do I really, really want in life?"
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