How I started as a Life Coach?

I was fed up of going in circles with my life, complaining, feeling stuck, living a routine life, nothing seem to change, bored I guess. I seemed to have everything, 6 Cs - Cash, Car, condo, credit cards, children & chauffered around. I begin to question about life, what is my sense of purpose in life? Is life about high-tea, toastmasters, shopping, watching TV, switching from HBO 60 to 59 back and forth?
Quite meaningless. I am sure I am more than this! There must be a talent that I have besides telling my children about the TV show plot and they have to asked me to "Shhh.... mummy! we want to hear what they say." Besides telling them I was right and they were wrong and got everyone upset.

There was obviously a void in my life, filling them with shopping and TV didn't help either; Being married to a traditional man none better. For men or women reading this, if you have not read Man from Mars and Women from Venus by John Gray, advisable to do so. If you have no time to read, let me share one very important tip here, just listen to your wife talk for 10 minutes without trying to provide solution, just listen attentively. Why? Because we need to express ourselves after a whole day of nagging the children to do this and to do that and being ignored; because this is how to release our energy, negatives and the positives. More positives will follow if you listen and empathise. Very simple but I know it is challenging to do after a hard day's work. 10 minutes only......you choose. Another very useful insight is when your relationship is not working, your life is not working, agree? Workplace and home is not mutually exclusive. You can't help bringing your emotional baggage from workplace to home and vice versa. So building your relationship is an invaluable life skill.

Think about this, understand that women gave up their great paying jobs when they begin to procreate,or when they are going through menopausal experiences or when they have no one to guide them with parenting skills for 21st century kids, feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled, not listened to, not valued nor respected. The least we could do is give them a safe space to have self expression. Only for those who feel this way, listening to them is invaluable to their sense of well being.

The idea of being a coach is to first put myself in the environment that serves me and continue to be supported and encouraged by like-minded people. It is easy to get back to our 'same old same old' pattern and get into a rut. It is not easy to give up watching HBO and to attend seminars that last till 12am or later than that, you know who I am talking about.....those who attend self development courses will know what I mean. They last for a few days, there must be reasons for this.

One day, my husband came back early and said he lost his job, I gave him a hug and said, "Welcome home". I often felt that he was lost in his world with a demanding job and probably lost himself in the concrete jungle too. That was my opinion. I think I am not far from the truth especially for those who love their pay and hate their job. These days when I share this comment with people, they can't help but agree with me. We had three teenagers to support and bills to pay. Life skills gave me that edge to stand up move forward with courage and action. There is always something to learn about yourself when you fall into the pit, you learn to get up. Of course, there were many days and nites where we played the blame game and spiral down until we were awaken through self development courses and coaching; we began to look from inside out. "The Universe always give you what you need". So profound for me when I attended the Differworld self development course and saw that flipchart on the wall. Yes, I dug into my savings and paid for as many self development courses as they came to me. Doors kept opening up and I chose to walk in, I see warts and I found more of me, gems that were unpolished! Scary? definitely very scary! Because you do things differently, you have to get out of your comfort zone. You either choose to walk with light even though you are uncertain where it might lead you and learn to trust or you continue falling into the bottomless pit! Dark, familiar, comfortable and cost nothing except your identity. When you are tired and have enough of playing the blame game, new possibilites becomes reality i.e. when you begin to break your old pattern and allow new gurus to teach you a thing or two. Let go of the 'old you' and experience the 'new you'.

I am cutting my story short unless you put a comment that you want to hear more of what happened after my husband lost his job.

Take actions to move forward. Setting goals, taking actions sounds simple, the process is not. We all have 'blind spots'. a Life Coach or a Personal Coach shows you your blind spots, encourage, support and empower you through this journey to work together with you and walk alongside to turn that into your new possibilities. Only those who have been coached in a coaching series of at least six sessions can truly say "I know what is Life Coaching." Coaching shortens your learning curve.
Give you bonus years.

This is what a Life Coach does, we get you out with dignity and support you through the scary and heart-wrenching journey to first have clarity of what you really want and create a vision of where you want to go.

If you are one of those who plateau in your growth, Life Coaching is about moving you forward to the next level. Achieving great things that you know is there, for some reason in a stuck state.

What is a Life coach about?

A Life Coach is someone who has gone through a course on Coaching. For a coach to first learn, he or she must be open to doing things differently. This is the beginning of building awareness of yourself as a Coach. The beginning of a journey of self discovery. The beginning of knowing yourself from inside out. The next best journey is taking the courage to uncondition yourself, recondition yourself and relearn what resonates with your heart. All these with the knowledge of gaining competencies of a Coach. The invaluable thing is, of course being coached by an experienced Coach! It sounds simple but not easy. It's definitely transformational and worth every minute and every cent. You get to know who you are and who you become. Dont you think this is worth it?

You can choose to be certified and that means you go through a list of criteria for you to be certified. More information can be found in www.resultscoaches.com.

You could also use the skills to apply in your workplace and at home using coaching conversations. Being supported in a community and sharing more tools helps you evolve. We need an environment that serves us to stay focus and connected with sharing insights. As you become familiar with the generic coaching skills, you can easily use it in all areas of your life. It has a ripple effect within the family, work-place and the community. For anything to change, it begin with you.

Life skills are crucial for parents and teachers to relearn a new way of developing confidence in their own lives and impacting their students as well as children's. Children unconsciously emulate us. Can you imagine the impact, when you get it, they get it. This I feel is self-leadership.

What teenagers say....what mothers feel...What women think....

My youngest daughter is 12. She said to me, "You think we don't know anything." We are better than adults, when we don't agree with our friends we talk it out, adults don't do that, you quarrel." I can't agree with her more. I felt a little ashame too. This is one of the unconditioning that I am talking about and have done a lot over the years. I am very much at peace now that I can accept people as who they are and who they are not, that gave me the peace within.

Some teenagers say:

"Adults like to nag and scold and refused to let us explain. They think they are right all the time and like to assume and threaten."

"They like to compare our results with cousins & friends!"

"They don't trust us!"

Children teach us what we forgot and when we keep focusing on their potential and trust, we could learn much from each other. Children came through us and are there to manifest what we couldn't see about ourselves. If you care to look closely, if you dare to look from within and if you have the courage to look beyond there is so much treasure that you can share.

I had lunch with a travel agent, she asked me what do I do. I said, I am a Life Coach. She said, "Oh, what is that? You are a sports coach? Swimming Coach? She sounded curious. We set down for lunch and I did my best to explain. The easiest
was to talk about something that both of us are interested in. I asked her whether she has kids and she said yes, and looked preoccupied. "So what is your challenge?" She said, "Kids are really different these days!" I did not hesitate to agree. She said, when you tell them this is wrong they purposely do it. Sometimes, they even said "I don't like you, and it hurts!" "They are so unlike us, when we were young and if our parents said don't do this, we stop." I liked what I heard because that is what my kids do too!

Hmm.... glad that I am not the only one suffering. Well, I am not a saddist, just felt that I am normal! I was excited to share with her how helpless I was 5 years' ago until I started working on myself. On reflection, that was really a journey of self-discovery, breaking the pattern, unconditioning myself and reconditioning myself. Now my kids are 18, 16 and 12! Teenagers! I used to shudder with just the thought of them coming to these scary ages. Guess, I dont shudder so much, just clinch at times. Thanks to learning coaching skills, it helps a thousand times. From a helpless parent to a parent who could parent with more confidence and with joy. She asked me, "So what happens when you start to change? I said, "Initially it wasn't easy, my children was not used to me changing the way I talk, the way I behave. They sometimes get angry with me." I continued, "Well, I was determined to do something different almost every day. Yes, I was not happy with my old self. I didn't even know I know myself any longer. I am sure many women knew what I meant. When you are awakened, you know that this is not you. No use trying to change others, it does not work that way. For anything to change, it begins with you! You desperately want to change, to do something about it. You know it is unstoppable when you so much as discover a glimpse of who you are and experience bits of new found confidence; That move you forward with hope."

I shared with her that I did group coaching for students to get to understand and take this as part of my research of why there is this gap between parents, teachers and students that I felt so strongly exist.

I have coached Real Estate Directors, Insurance Manager, IT Executives, Head of Department in School, Trainers and consultants to name a few; it has occurred to me that when your relationship is not working, your life is not working. Life skills is a must have, it does make a difference in the work-place. Whether you are a CEO or a parent, or an individual, when you are not happy at home, you are not happy at work and vice versa. No two ways about it.

Many people are beginning to ask for parent coach program. Group coaching for parents. Many women I believe, find their lives torn between two lovers living like fools. To leave their job or not to leave their job?. To be a stay-at-home mom is lonely, unrewarding & challenging especially when you are not equipped with communication skills & parenting skills; When the single income is insufficient to grapple with the rising cost of living and education for children. To stay too long out of the work force also means you would not have the confidence to go back when there is a need, or want to. Any comments?

Universal Law

Every end of the month there is a 1 day seminar which is held on the last Sunday of the month. It's called the Universal Laws. Having attended many self development courses and working from within does help me to understand better the Universal Laws. After three Sundays, it has become clearer that we create our own reality. Simple as that. All we need to do is to love ourselves. It all begins with a thought. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you are right too, you can't. We go around taking care of people and forget about ourselves. When we forget to fill our 'love' tank, we dried up. What is there to give? Maybe negative energies. When your tank is full, you have more to give. You attract people with your loving energies. You are free to embrace what is. Make sense so far? The universe does not judge, whatever you say you attract, so be careful what you say, or ask. As you sow, so shall you reap. Plant seeds of love and you get to enjoy the beautiful flowers and fruits of your labour. We forget, we are here to remember. Enjoy the moment:)

My blog's name is changed

I thought it would be good for you to take note that I had changed my blog's name from: "http://www.parenting-dollycoaching.blogspot.com" to

http:/www.parentingwithdolly.blogspot.com

Noticed there is no dash? Reason is to make it easier for people to remember.
Watch out for more useful information.

Indian Creek Prophecy from Mount Kinabalu, Sabah

This Indian Creek Prophecy poster caught my eye during my adventure to Mount Kinabalu on Nov 27, 2006. Whilst having our meal in the Kinabalu Park restaurant waiting for our food, this poster was displayed on one of the walls, I thought it was such a profound reminder for city dwellers like us.

Indian Creek Prophecy
"Only after :
the last tree that has been cut
the last fish that has been caught
the last river that has been poisoned
then will we realised that money cannot be eaten"

When you are in a natural environment with people respecting the fauner & flora, animals and enjoying the fresh air, this poster is definitely in the right place. A sense of uncertainty came over me. How could we balance between survival and destroying nature? We must be blessed to enjoy this. The waitresses were very pleasant, attentive and efficient. I felt very peaceful, grateful and rested. The food was tasty too!

We arrived at the restaurant to have dinner and rest before we attempt to climb tomorrow morning to Laban Rata. The plan was to rest for 8 hours in Laban Rata then conquer the summit! A goal I had set last year 2006. As you probably could hear how this sound? An attempt, does not sound very committed isn't it? Yes, because this is a fitness goal combined with a goal to connect with family in an adventure. My husband, youngest daughter now 12 took that adventure with me. My husband had a managers' conference held in Kota Kinabalu city so we thought it would be a good time to take action! We intend to go snorkeling after the climb. I had a count down with the days written in my diary, even though I swam everyday and climbed a few times up the stairs to my 20 storey condo; it was still challenging to climb Mt Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia.

After searching the internet and googling for information and comments I managed to connect with a very helpful tour agent who answered all my queries to ensure my family are comfortable with this journey. I have had a great experience interacting with people in Kota Kinabalu. I am really grateful to them for their fantastic hospitality.

My husband was as busy as a bee. He left all the planning to me. I suspected he underestimated the mountain. At home, he did not go to the gym nor did any exercises. He thought his mental ability could pull him through. He is a very determined person. I guessed we learned something everyday. This time his concrete jungle knowledge, strategies and actions cannot help him in the real jungle! There is the very rocky vertical path, the thin air and the damp air. His thigh muscles started to ache not very far after we started because it is an ascending path. He perservered and pushed on, we were all given a bamboo stick to help us with every climb up.

When you deal with property, its location, location, location! When you climb its preparation, preparation, preparation! Practice, practice, practice! Mentally prepared and physically challenged.

We started the climb with a guide, every group must have a guide. Started at 9:20am, there were toilet breaks & stops for water provided by water tanks every 1 km, that is if you are gamed enough to drink them. When I imagined the water that flowed through the pipes into the tank and imagined the rust if there is, I decided not to refill my water bottle. We had enough to reach up to 2pm where we had lunch. A packed lunch of rice, hardboiled egg and a chicken wing. Of course, by the time we stop for lunch break, the food was cold! The wind was getting chilly because it was drizzling off and on and I guessed it could be the cloud that were around us. As soon as I stop walking, I cannot rest for more than 5 minutes. Beyond that the cold and tiredness set in.

I remembered groups of Singaporean students walking up and people descending. We would say "Hi!" I would asked them, "How was it, did you reach the summit?" Most of them would say, "It was cold so we didn't stay long on the summit, Good luck!"
I often wonder what they meant. Being kind and supportive, they said what they need to say and stop there. The rest was up to us to imagine. There was a couple, the man said, "I kept telling her, one step at a time." We met two ladies and I asked for muscle cream and she gave me the whole tube, such good souls. Bless them! That helped ease my husband's leg!

There were people who live up there and you can tell by the way they walked swiftly up and down. Our guide was so strong. He was often on the phone with one hand and the other with our large bag. Most of the time ahead of us, waiting.

By the time we reached 2,700M, the guide took a look at us and said, "I think you may want to consider moving back down to reach the gate when you can still catch the daylight. The gate close at 4pm but I can call them & request for them to wait." He then led us to take a look at the very rocky vertical ascend that helped us quickly decide there and then that we have to turn back! So you can imagine how the three of us looked like? Very tired after 8 hours of climbing. I was surprised his cellphone was working so well at that height. He helped us carry our bag filled with jacket, a change of clothes to change at Laban Rata stop over. We were supposed to reach there - a base camp to recuperate for a few hours before we were to start climbing at 2:30am to catch the sunrise at the summit. That was the plan.

My husband suggested that my daughter & I could go ahead and he descend. I dont know whether I was happy or disappointed. The summit is 4,095.2M. I was tired too, but his aching thigh could not take the vertical climb at that point. We are sensible people. My daughter was tired but her muscles are strong. The guide would not let us split. No one walk without a guide. We go up as a family, we come down as a family. Coming down means using a different set of muscles! Not any easier. We were so glad we had the bamboo sticks to assist our descend.

So much for now. Will continue another day. Got to sleep you know:)

Well, well! I slept that long? Today is June 23 Friday. My two teenage girls & my niece are bugging me to play 'Monopoly' with them. Will I get to finish my blog?

This South African lady whom I met sometime in May this year through coaching activities said she enjoyed my blog and I love her sense of humor. She said, you wrote this climbing up the mountain thing and as I was reading, I noticed I dont know where is this place, and then you wrote about your feeling in such a way about not completing the mountain and a subtle way of putting it when your husband could not make it. Then you finished by saying you got to sleep. She was expecting more! She is so funny. Yah, I realised I took a long time to get back to blog.

Ok, a little introduction about Mount Kinabalu in Sabah, East Malaysia. I was told is one of the most beautiful and underdeveloped resort. I can see hotels being built and construction work on. Sipadan island is one of the islands off Sabah. The most sought after diving spots. Kinabalu City is certainly not a shopping paradise. A resort and diving paradise. Crystal clear water and unspoilt corals. Of course, unfortunately we could not enjoy that! Scroll down to find out why.

As we descend we used different sets of muscles and that was not easy too. I was glad to walk back as we approached the gate, the gatekeeper was alone waiting for us.
The sky got darker and we hopped into a van, drove through the winding greenery and back to the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. What a relief!

That was what I thought! We did not book a room in Kinabalu Park for that nite! We were supposed to stay in Laban Rata. As there was only one restaurant in Kinabalu Park, the idea of walking anywhere does not appeal to us. There are very nice lodges on the hill slopes around the Kinabalu Park. Fortunately, there is a room available on the same floor of the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. It doesn't matter how much it cost, we were so grateful that we dont have to walk! We took it without hesitation and disregard the cost. Thanks to my husband's generosity! Then we realised the master bedroom is one floor above the living and TV room. It was a suite. My daughter was hungry and tired and she felt sick. Fortunately, after dinner she recovered. Both my whole legs' muscles aches were creeping up and lifting up my leg began to feel very heavy. Then my husband had to tell me, "Tomorrow would be worst!" Oh, not looking forward to it. After dinner we quickly showered and struggled upstairs, not wanting to come down anymore until tomorrow morning.

The initial plan to go snorkelling was gone. Can't even lift up my leg above six inches to walk up a few steps! Slow motion, yes.

On our way down to Kinabalu city, we had a different guide and a driver all to ourselves. He shared a great insight and fortunately I wrote it down. When you ascend, oxygen goes to your weakest part of your body, and when your husband's thigh started to ache, oxygen goes to his thigh muscles and not enough to the brain, therefore, you canot breath properly as you ascend to higher altitude. The preparation for you is to go to the gym to use the 'step up' machine.
No preparation means the lung and leg muscles were affected.

How I got into Life Coaching?

In 2001 a good friend from my Toastmasters Club introduced me to Anthony Robbins Seminar. At that time, I thought that, that was something for people in sales, business and the corporate world who want to be motivated, who want to succeed in what they do. I was experiencing a retiring mindset. Little did I know that it was a turning point in my life! A 'Tai Tai' who think of nothing but shopping, high tea and breathing down my children's neck and husband's at times! Then it was a boring and meaningless life for me, really:) I thought that I was doing my friend a favor by attending the preview of Anthony Robbins Seminar. Then one thing led to another.

I was invited to the so called "UPW momentum gathering". UPW means Unleash the potential within! Whatever that means back then was anybody's guess! I certainly did not know what was that about. At that meeting I listened to people shared how much weight they lost, how they had clarity of who they are. Some of them who came back from Hawaii. Bankers paying something like US$17,000 for the Anthony Robbins package. For someone like me who had not been to a self development course or a motivational seminar before, I was really curious what that was about. Nevertheless, I picked up the book from my friend's bookshelf, "Awaken the Giant from within" by Anthony Robbins. I could not put the book down. Guess I would share more of what I got out of it next time................ Do you have any comments? or something to share?

30th Oct 06.........
Reflection of the past years. After 3 years........seems like a long time, that............... I felt like I have come full circle. At that time when I was reading Awaken the Giant Within, I jumped from pages to pages and applied what I had to apply into my life. I could remember vividly how to change my state of mind. Then my three teenagers were 8, 12, & 14 years old and there were many opportunities that I felt that I had to change my state of mind to remain sane! Ask most parents and they would definitely understand what I am saying. Communication was a great challenge. Some times I would sing when I knew that I was getting angry with them. That simply put is "breaking the pattern!" I did get into a happier mood. That was good enough for us to get by harmoniously. After a few times, my children got angry with my singing. They said "Mummy it's irritating!"; Because I kept repeating the few lines!

Since I am a "just do it person" this book was next to me most of that time. Each time I need to learn some new skills to deal with a challenging situation, I just flipped open the book. There were many things I don't quite understood at that time. Neuro Associative Conditioning (NAC) - what was that? Big words, nevertheless there were stories in the book to help me understand them better. Fortunately, there was a support group of people where we meet regularly to continue our journey. Of course, now I know NAC also meant the same thing as NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming! Believe me, there is no short cut for self mastery. The process of self-discovery can take years! Now - Monday October 30th, 2006 when I revisit the book, I can understand most of what the book is saying. That is after having gone to many other self development courses, ups and downs, self awareness, insights, healing and releasing; Interacting with people, learning from gurus, mentors, trainers, books, CDs to name a few. In other words, working from inside out! The result is freedom from fear, or some say fear forward. Whichever connects with you!

Yes, my friends and clients said I could write a book, I think blogging is easier. I used to think it is crazy to tell your story in the blog. When I saw what my 11 year old blogged I was so surprised. I asked her, "You mean people talked about their life story?" Now when my 11 year old daughter saw what I wrote today, she said, "Yah, now you got it." " This is blogging. " I would rather call this 'Generation Gap!"

Nov 2, 06
Women who made changes in their lives, I am sure would at one point in their life asked, so if I change, my spouse don't change, what is the use? Since men work, they have less time to read and now what? This is what I did a few years ago, I tried leaving self help books in the bedroom, plant them on the bedside table, somewhere in the bedroom, on the dressing table, hoping that he would catch the hint. Unfortunately, then I have not read John Gray's book "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus." I did all kinds of things except ask him directly to read the self help books that I found useful! John Gray said, if you want a man to do something, just ask him! I just attended John Gray's seminar Sept 30 06! My husband bought his books but we left them on the bookshelf! After his seminar I started reading them whilst working out in the gym. Oh! how I wished I had read his books years' back! Certainly not to be missed, great life skills, simple to understand and easy to apply if you read slowly, absorb the essence and practice. Reflect and apply again. Practise being aware of your thoughts and actions. It connects with what I believe in my life! Wow!

I learned how important it is to value myself now. I believe many women suffered like me. Loss of identity. I acquired identity that does not align with my values. For many years, I dont even know what my values were; Unknowingly I was conditioned to beliefs that does not serve me. Now I realized how it had worked against me and the people who are close to me. How my beliefs also shaped my behaviours and habits. How it had affected the choices that I made in the past. Now that I know better, I do better. I create my own reality! I can now choose how I feel. This is liberating!

I am really grateful that I took all those self development courses and met many people who were my teachers because I was a ready student. As the saying goes, " When you are ready, the teacher will appear." So are you? The investment is truly enriching. When I got it, my loved ones benefitted too.

It took me a long time to understand how important it is to use goal setting as a framework to focus on my journey ahead. Time management has often been a challenge for me and I am sure for many people as well. Knowing what we value, can change a whole lot of perspective on how communications and relationship building is critical as a life skill! In business, workplace, at home and in the community!

My mission is to close the gap between parents, students and teachers. Goals setting, time management, values, communications and relationships are the key life-line to a balance life. Beginning with these life skills, I am sure making effective communications a world wide reality is a noble and purposeful journey.

Will share more................If you have any comments, questions please feel free to comment in my blog or email me. I am a new blogger.

What is life Coaching? **Benefits of Coaching

Life Coaching begins with people asking any one of these questions of themselves:

• "How to find my passion?"
• "I want to get out of this good paying job that I hate and do what I love!"
• "I want to start my own business, but how?"
• "How can I do better with my job?"
• "I want my life back!"
• "Why are you controlling me?"
• "Given a golden handshake and don't know what to do next?"
• "I cannot focus or concentrate!"

How do I know that I am ready for a shift in mindset? How do I know that I am going to make a change in my life? How to start changing?

Feel free to post your questions or comment here or email to dolly@mindset-coaching.com or
Visit my website www.mindset-coaching.com for more information on coaching.

**Benefits of being coached:

Coaching is a process of your experience of greater confidence, self-awareness, courage to create bigger dreams, new habits, new behavior and personal satisfaction. As a new 'you' emerged, you will get to know your values and the alignment to your inner self. You are able to make conscious decisions to make things happen. Living life as human being versus human doing.

Dear friends, one important question for you, yes, you my dear reader,
A question for you: "One year down the road, where do you see yourself?"

A glimpse of my experience of my being coached in 2003:
"During the process of being coached, I found gems along the way and yes, warts as well. I called them warts because they hinder my smooth transition to quality living. It was very uncomfortable at first. The encouragement and support of my coach together with my courage & action helped me break my pattern! I found courage to replace wishing to willing to take action! A Coach motivates and provides positive feedback. Keeps you focus on where you are and where you want to go. Positively showing you your blind spots! Things that I thought were very difficult were becoming easier, goals that I had been thinking and thinking and thinking for five years come true within eight months of being coached!

One to one coaching has given me bonus years! Each encounter and exploration is enriched by extraordinary experiences by an ordinary person. I can do it, so can you!"~ Dolly Yeo

Enjoying The Journey
Whether you are laboriously inching toward your cherished goals or you have already arrived, you will be more of a winner when you can experience yourself and your life joyfully.

Find pleasure in your work as you go after the things that add up to success for you. Stretch to the limit of your abilities and feel proud to put forth everything you have. You can turn failures into an advantage by enjoying the excitement and fun of playing with your unique style of life. This can be the big win for you.... and for everyone.

Smile at yourself more and appreciate the humor in the absurdity of your foibles, failures and manipulations. Watch out for the saboteur inside of you, and don't take your adult role-playing too seriously. Then you can have more fun observing the drama of your striving for a richer life.

When you can accept and believe that all of us have stamped visas.... That no one is getting out of this beautiful world alive.... you will learn to savour every hour.

I believe that a healthy way to get your revenge with death is to truly experience every sweet moment of your life now with feelings of gratefulness and wonder. It is a fascinating journey you are taking. Winning or failing, you win by just being here on this wondrous planet.

Author: Unknown

Any thoughts to share? I welcome your email at dolly@mindset-coaching.com or
comment in this blog:)

Parent Coach For Teens

Parent Coach for Teens
To help you prepare your teens to become independent adults who have the skills and values to live meaningful lives and contribute to the communities. If you approach the ideas here with an open mind, you will have more confidence in parenting and enjoy the challenge in parenting teens. Take the best and discard the rest.

Teens are searching for their identities, their lives are no less stressful as ours. How do we help them to help themselves? Simple but not easy. Parents need to be role models and to influence your teens in a positive direction. To help them become independent youths who have self-responsibilities and make right choices. We need to first love ourselves before they can feel our love.

More often than not, their mental, physical & emotional development, can be a major challenge in this modern society with the speed of change. Parents who experienced hormonal changes in their retiring age could well relate to their teens' experiences.

You need to support each other during these trying times. Explain to them and talk about your difficulties so that they too could understand that creating a space can lead to loving energy within the family. Teens are not designed to drive you crazy nor you them. Not taking it personally is a good start.

Coaching is mentoring, guiding, supporting and encouraging. Coaching is not telling your child what to do. Parent Coach gives the ownership of self-responsibilities to the teens today. Teens need to learn responsibilities. The authoritative style of parenting does not auger well with today's democratic style of managing our lives. The environment is on a transition to more self-expression. Teens are confused by the need to be creative and to be told what to do. The influences from the media and TV give them a different perspective of what is.. There is a need for them to be heard and to express their views to grow and develop their innate potential. Encouragement to have self-expression helps them to think and develop confidence.

A Parent Coach listens about 80% and speaks 20% of the time. We need to know what works and what does not. A Parent Coach is aware.

Blog on 30th Oct 06
To start, take small steps to first build the relationship. Focus on them as a person. Catch them doing things right and praise them. Everyone of us need acceptance & acknowledgements. We thrive on praises. It is common for us to keep quiet when they do something right and when they do something wrong, we are ever-ready to highlight that to them. Does it sound familiar to you? Remember criticisms tear down instead of build up. Watch how they warm up to you and open up to you when you sing praises about their small achievements. Be sincere. Takes time, don't expect immediate change. Does not cost you a cent. Try it! It works!

You may have to put the emphasis on academic aside until they know you love them for who they are and not what they can achieve academically. They are just as worried about their studies as you are. Surprisingly, students I know want to connect with parents but dont know how. I did a research with secondary schools and was pleasantly surprised by my findings.
That gave me more enthusiasm to want to communicate this to parents. Parenting is a complex & challenging task, nevertheless when you learn more of what it takes, how you can become better, it is rewarding and also an area of self-discovery journey of knowing who you are!

I believe no one style fits all and every family has to fine tune and seek for family cooperation to connect with each other to bring their relationship to the next level. I find it more fulfilling and productive to focus on solution rather than complaining about each other and nothing change.

Life skills has become the most important topic in my vocabulary now. Whether you are a CEO, Manager, worker, Principal, Engineer, or any profession, knowing what you value and who you are is a good step to begin with. When you live your values, your children will emulate you. Be aware of what you say, do and believe in. Values are caught not taught.

Any thoughts to share? Pls post your comments here:)

I welcome your email at:
dolly@mindset-coaching.com or visit my website:
www.mindset-coaching.com