Saturday, August 18, 2007
Shifted current blog to www.mindset-coaching.com/blog
Parentingwithdolly.blogspot.com would be completely shifted to www.mindset-coaching.com/blog in due course. I would take some time to shift all my posts. If you wish to read new ones they are up already. Cheers!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Conversation with teenage daughter
When I came home from attending a friend's daughter's wedding dinner, it was about 11pm and the first thing I did was to go to my youngest daughter's room, she is 12.
As I open her bedroom door, I noticed the table lamp's light was on and her laptop is also open with music and colored bubbles floating on her screen. But no sign of her, naturally I look behind the door and there she was hiding behind the door smiling. She likes to give me surprises and I actually enjoyed it. I love the playful relationship with her. She spontaneously asked me to scratch her back. I said, " I haven't even changed yet and you ask me to scratch your back?" "How cruel?" She said, "Please lah mummy, so long you didn't scratch my back you know?"
Quite true. As I looked around her room, I thought, she is such a lucky girl. I went on to say to her, "Do you know that your room is actually very nice, look at the wall, your bedcover, your blanket, your bed and your curtain, they all matched so well." It's so cosy here. I reminded her to take her vitamins and remember to wear her nice long pants before she grew out of them. I said, "Your sister's and brother's T-shirts are so nice, why dont you wear them? She said, " Kor Kor's (brother) T-shirt is too big for me. I said, "Never mind, wear to sleep it's very comfortable. She plonked onto her bed with her back facing up all ready for me to do my "duty" scratch her back. She said, "I am already taking over Che Che's (sister) clothes." I asked, "Are you happy with taking over her clothes?" She said, "Ya! I like them." I thought silently to myself - hmm ... save money. I said, "OK, good, why dont you switch off your laptop and in case you fall asleep you don't have to get up and switch it off? That sounds to her that I am going to scratch her back and she happily got up from her bed to switch it off. She crawled back onto her bed with me sitting at the edge of the bed. As I scratched her back and also message her I said, "Ok, I will do this until you fall asleep because I felt that recently I seemed to have neglected you, with you on your laptop, staying back in school and going out with friends so often and me on my laptop too. You used to swim with me and you stopped for quite a while. Nowadays I have been swimming with your brother and your sister is joining us too. If you dont want to swim, I can go to the gym with you, you know I am a physical person and it's good for my health." "So do you think I have neglected you?" She said, "No."
I felt relieved to hear her say that calmly. I said, "You are quite spiritual, can I ask you, do you think I am a good mother? She said. "yes". I asked, "Specifically what is good about me?" She said with her eyes closed, "You are kind, encouraging,
forgiving and listen to us." My heart glow with peace and joy. To get assurance, or just to hear it again, I said, "you must be sincere, not because you want me to scratch your back OK?" She confirmed & repeated, those words of affirmation. I said, "Thank you for being so encouraging, it's nice to hear such things about me. It always good to ask people about your strength because we have blind spots. Wanting to hear more, I asked her, "What else?" She said, "You are strict when you have to." Some parents are very strict and dont listen to their children but you listen." I liked what I hear because it gave me a sense of balance & peace. I have often felt that childen do not feel listened to, valued nor respected. Best news that I have ever heard. I felt like I am proressing to A's for parenting. She continued, "Except that sometimes you are irritating." I asked, "Oh! when is that?" She said, "Like when we tell you something about you that we don't like and you started laughing and singing, that can be irritating to us." I said, "Oh!" She continued, "It's just like when you sometimes talk to me and I dont like to hear what you say and cover my ears." I said, "Sounds like denial?". she was feeling very relaxed by then and said, "Mummy can you dont talk to me otherwise I cannot sleep." She looked like she is drifting into "La La Land." I continued to massage her neck and forehead and she softly gave me feedback, "The neck part is nice." We are used to giving each other feedback whenever we message each other, so that came from her automatically. I said, "Thanks for the specific feedback so that I would do more of." After a few more minutes of massage, I reckoned she is entering slumber land. I gave her a few good-nite pecks on her soft & smooth cheek and covered her with her silky blanket and whispered to her "I love you."
As I open her bedroom door, I noticed the table lamp's light was on and her laptop is also open with music and colored bubbles floating on her screen. But no sign of her, naturally I look behind the door and there she was hiding behind the door smiling. She likes to give me surprises and I actually enjoyed it. I love the playful relationship with her. She spontaneously asked me to scratch her back. I said, " I haven't even changed yet and you ask me to scratch your back?" "How cruel?" She said, "Please lah mummy, so long you didn't scratch my back you know?"
Quite true. As I looked around her room, I thought, she is such a lucky girl. I went on to say to her, "Do you know that your room is actually very nice, look at the wall, your bedcover, your blanket, your bed and your curtain, they all matched so well." It's so cosy here. I reminded her to take her vitamins and remember to wear her nice long pants before she grew out of them. I said, "Your sister's and brother's T-shirts are so nice, why dont you wear them? She said, " Kor Kor's (brother) T-shirt is too big for me. I said, "Never mind, wear to sleep it's very comfortable. She plonked onto her bed with her back facing up all ready for me to do my "duty" scratch her back. She said, "I am already taking over Che Che's (sister) clothes." I asked, "Are you happy with taking over her clothes?" She said, "Ya! I like them." I thought silently to myself - hmm ... save money. I said, "OK, good, why dont you switch off your laptop and in case you fall asleep you don't have to get up and switch it off? That sounds to her that I am going to scratch her back and she happily got up from her bed to switch it off. She crawled back onto her bed with me sitting at the edge of the bed. As I scratched her back and also message her I said, "Ok, I will do this until you fall asleep because I felt that recently I seemed to have neglected you, with you on your laptop, staying back in school and going out with friends so often and me on my laptop too. You used to swim with me and you stopped for quite a while. Nowadays I have been swimming with your brother and your sister is joining us too. If you dont want to swim, I can go to the gym with you, you know I am a physical person and it's good for my health." "So do you think I have neglected you?" She said, "No."
I felt relieved to hear her say that calmly. I said, "You are quite spiritual, can I ask you, do you think I am a good mother? She said. "yes". I asked, "Specifically what is good about me?" She said with her eyes closed, "You are kind, encouraging,
forgiving and listen to us." My heart glow with peace and joy. To get assurance, or just to hear it again, I said, "you must be sincere, not because you want me to scratch your back OK?" She confirmed & repeated, those words of affirmation. I said, "Thank you for being so encouraging, it's nice to hear such things about me. It always good to ask people about your strength because we have blind spots. Wanting to hear more, I asked her, "What else?" She said, "You are strict when you have to." Some parents are very strict and dont listen to their children but you listen." I liked what I hear because it gave me a sense of balance & peace. I have often felt that childen do not feel listened to, valued nor respected. Best news that I have ever heard. I felt like I am proressing to A's for parenting. She continued, "Except that sometimes you are irritating." I asked, "Oh! when is that?" She said, "Like when we tell you something about you that we don't like and you started laughing and singing, that can be irritating to us." I said, "Oh!" She continued, "It's just like when you sometimes talk to me and I dont like to hear what you say and cover my ears." I said, "Sounds like denial?". she was feeling very relaxed by then and said, "Mummy can you dont talk to me otherwise I cannot sleep." She looked like she is drifting into "La La Land." I continued to massage her neck and forehead and she softly gave me feedback, "The neck part is nice." We are used to giving each other feedback whenever we message each other, so that came from her automatically. I said, "Thanks for the specific feedback so that I would do more of." After a few more minutes of massage, I reckoned she is entering slumber land. I gave her a few good-nite pecks on her soft & smooth cheek and covered her with her silky blanket and whispered to her "I love you."
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Writing a book
Conversation with my South African friend:
We were talking about writing a book, I said, "You know I have this grammar thing that I felt inadequate about, that's why I have not written a book. She said, of course you can write! I read your blog. She looked straight into my eyes and asked, "What do you fear?" I thought to myself "Hmm... she gets real in your face!" Good question. So what is my fear? I thought for a moment, attempting to feel from within and ....wonder..still..nothing. I also asked myself what am I avoiding, making excuses for not writing? Then I said, "shall we nudge each other and get on with our books?" So this would be our goals.
One of my clients wrote and published a book "Possibilities Abound". I am so proud of her achievements! She is simply amazing. If you get hold of her book you would realise how courageous she is and how she turned her 'overturn overnite' situation to possibilities abound. Her husband passed on June 10, 2006 and she published her book and launched it on June 10, 2007. In her book, she shared how she pulled through with the support of her family, religion and life coaching. Her achievements in the absence of her dear dear, whom she often refer to is the true essence of purposeful living.
We were talking about writing a book, I said, "You know I have this grammar thing that I felt inadequate about, that's why I have not written a book. She said, of course you can write! I read your blog. She looked straight into my eyes and asked, "What do you fear?" I thought to myself "Hmm... she gets real in your face!" Good question. So what is my fear? I thought for a moment, attempting to feel from within and ....wonder..still..nothing. I also asked myself what am I avoiding, making excuses for not writing? Then I said, "shall we nudge each other and get on with our books?" So this would be our goals.
Perhaps, you, yes, you as a reader, could you help me with your feedback on my blog... that could propel me forward and do you like to know more about Life Coaching? Or more of what I have written, what would that be? Share with me your comments? What do you like about what I have written? What specifically did you like about my blog? Do you have any suggestions for me to improve? Would really appreciate your feedback and comments. Send me an email? or comment here..? Thanks!
One of my clients wrote and published a book "Possibilities Abound". I am so proud of her achievements! She is simply amazing. If you get hold of her book you would realise how courageous she is and how she turned her 'overturn overnite' situation to possibilities abound. Her husband passed on June 10, 2006 and she published her book and launched it on June 10, 2007. In her book, she shared how she pulled through with the support of her family, religion and life coaching. Her achievements in the absence of her dear dear, whom she often refer to is the true essence of purposeful living.
Life Coaching
Everyone needs life coaching. Only those who has gone through a one to one life coaching would understand what is really life coaching about. I love Results Coaching Systems structure and especially useful when one wants to be a Coach. It is a clear step by step process of building one's competency as a Coach, how to apply it and have your own insights.
"Guiding youngsters on proper internet use" The Saturday Straits Times June 23 2007
This heading caught my eye on the front page of our daily newspaper The Straits Times.
My heart warmed up when I read the message that schools are highlighting the light and dark side of using the internet and how parents could be partners in education to guide our children on the usage. This reminded me of the seminar I attended on cyber wellness by Associate Prof Angeline Khoo. She invested real time with the cyber games to understand the behaviour of those in the games. If you ask me, I think she has done a fantastic job! To share some of her notes here:
Well, parents unless you play with your kids, you would not know whether they are aware that they are living their values through the game. What are the consequences of the choice of their action from the strategies? How do they make decisions in who they play with, in teams or as an individual? They drift away as you get busy with your own stuff. The gap will become wider when you cannot connect with what they say about their games. Then you would have to find another way.
My husband and I tried to 'play' my 12 yrs old's game - "maple story" and 16 yrs old boy's game War Craft and less than 3 minutes we were so giddy!
So what now? so I find other ways of connecting with my son. Not fixing him but letting go of anxiety myself first. If you don't, you may end up in a 'power struggle' situation. Especially when you are talking about teenagers. Teenagers are not here to rebel. They are simply going through changes in their hormones and struggling to find their own identity. Likewise, we may be at cross-roads, searching for meanings in life too. That is no wonder, many parents find it so challenging to deal with this period of time. The 'Letting go' can be very challenging for many because it is about getting out of your comfort zone, your past belief and also letting go of your identity in search of the 'lost you'. We all need support, encouragements and tips to share with one another and that we are not alone. It is OK to say that "I need help."
I can only summarise two words about human behaviour and they are:
Confidence and self-esteem. When parents are able to help children build on these two key elements in life, half the battle is won.
From my past experiences, I also realised that building the self awareness is the key to many answers to the unanswered questions.
The self discovery that I often talked about is really for parents to get real and get their life back. Build on your communication skills and relationships with them. How? When you know who you are and lead an inspiring life, your children will cooperate with you during this awkward time instead of struggling with heart-wrenching relationships. When you look at them with potential, they project potential and strive to live up to your projection of them. "Law of attraction".
It won't be long, in a short few years' time you wont see much of them. They will be out with their friends as adults. This is also the time they want you to be seen not heard, i.e. if you are still nagging.
I find blogging and swimming therapeutic. I am consciously aware of living my values. Building my 2nd career is also a wise choice, getting ready for an empty nest syndrome.
I have to ask myself this question each time I am stuck! What is this magic question? What is more important? My answer, "Our relationship". So what is your answer? When relationship is more important to me, I build on that and when your children are connected to you, whatever you say to them , they hear you. They dont shut down or have a show down with you! Isn't this better than ending up in cold war, silent war and what have you.
As a parent who has gone through many seminars, radio talks, books, workshops, my final findings is that we can leave the teachings of subjects to the school teachers but we cannot leave the life skills to the teachers. With the current educational system it is simply not realistic. Whatever the schools can do we can sometimes tear it down and vice versa. Parents and teachers impact lives. We can't escape from this truth. When parents and teachers' values are not aligned with their living you can rest assured that they would be transferring negative energies to the children. So instead of trying to fix our children, we may want to look from within and ask,
My heart warmed up when I read the message that schools are highlighting the light and dark side of using the internet and how parents could be partners in education to guide our children on the usage. This reminded me of the seminar I attended on cyber wellness by Associate Prof Angeline Khoo. She invested real time with the cyber games to understand the behaviour of those in the games. If you ask me, I think she has done a fantastic job! To share some of her notes here:
Benefits of Game-Playing
It is claimed that games can help children:
1) develop strategic thinking and planning skills
2) generate creative solutions to problems
3) improve their processing visual information and eye-hand coordination
4) provides especially males, with an outlet for their pent-up emotions
Well, parents unless you play with your kids, you would not know whether they are aware that they are living their values through the game. What are the consequences of the choice of their action from the strategies? How do they make decisions in who they play with, in teams or as an individual? They drift away as you get busy with your own stuff. The gap will become wider when you cannot connect with what they say about their games. Then you would have to find another way.
My husband and I tried to 'play' my 12 yrs old's game - "maple story" and 16 yrs old boy's game War Craft and less than 3 minutes we were so giddy!
So what now? so I find other ways of connecting with my son. Not fixing him but letting go of anxiety myself first. If you don't, you may end up in a 'power struggle' situation. Especially when you are talking about teenagers. Teenagers are not here to rebel. They are simply going through changes in their hormones and struggling to find their own identity. Likewise, we may be at cross-roads, searching for meanings in life too. That is no wonder, many parents find it so challenging to deal with this period of time. The 'Letting go' can be very challenging for many because it is about getting out of your comfort zone, your past belief and also letting go of your identity in search of the 'lost you'. We all need support, encouragements and tips to share with one another and that we are not alone. It is OK to say that "I need help."
According to Associate Professor Angeline Khoo:
Digital games offer children and teenagers:
1) promote positive feelings
2) provide outlet for aggression, has cathartic effect
3) as learning tools
* meet psychological needs:
1) entertainment and leisure
2) emotional coping - from loneliness, stress, low self-esteem escape from reality
3) satisfying social needs, making new friends, strenghening friendships, generating sense of belonging and recognition
5) need for challenge and achievement
6) need for excitement
7) need for power
I can only summarise two words about human behaviour and they are:
Confidence and self-esteem. When parents are able to help children build on these two key elements in life, half the battle is won.
From my past experiences, I also realised that building the self awareness is the key to many answers to the unanswered questions.
The self discovery that I often talked about is really for parents to get real and get their life back. Build on your communication skills and relationships with them. How? When you know who you are and lead an inspiring life, your children will cooperate with you during this awkward time instead of struggling with heart-wrenching relationships. When you look at them with potential, they project potential and strive to live up to your projection of them. "Law of attraction".
It won't be long, in a short few years' time you wont see much of them. They will be out with their friends as adults. This is also the time they want you to be seen not heard, i.e. if you are still nagging.
Tips: Set your own goals, continue educating yourself, do what you love doing, love your children for who they are, not on their academic achievements. It's about them and not about you anymore. Be a Life Coach
I find blogging and swimming therapeutic. I am consciously aware of living my values. Building my 2nd career is also a wise choice, getting ready for an empty nest syndrome.
I have to ask myself this question each time I am stuck! What is this magic question? What is more important? My answer, "Our relationship". So what is your answer? When relationship is more important to me, I build on that and when your children are connected to you, whatever you say to them , they hear you. They dont shut down or have a show down with you! Isn't this better than ending up in cold war, silent war and what have you.
As a parent who has gone through many seminars, radio talks, books, workshops, my final findings is that we can leave the teachings of subjects to the school teachers but we cannot leave the life skills to the teachers. With the current educational system it is simply not realistic. Whatever the schools can do we can sometimes tear it down and vice versa. Parents and teachers impact lives. We can't escape from this truth. When parents and teachers' values are not aligned with their living you can rest assured that they would be transferring negative energies to the children. So instead of trying to fix our children, we may want to look from within and ask,
"What do I really, really want in life?"
Friday, June 22, 2007
How I started as a Life Coach?
I was fed up of going in circles with my life, complaining, feeling stuck, living a routine life, nothing seem to change, bored I guess. I seemed to have everything, 6 Cs - Cash, Car, condo, credit cards, children & chauffered around. I begin to question about life, what is my sense of purpose in life? Is life about high-tea, toastmasters, shopping, watching TV, switching from HBO 60 to 59 back and forth?
Quite meaningless. I am sure I am more than this! There must be a talent that I have besides telling my children about the TV show plot and they have to asked me to "Shhh.... mummy! we want to hear what they say." Besides telling them I was right and they were wrong and got everyone upset.
There was obviously a void in my life, filling them with shopping and TV didn't help either; Being married to a traditional man none better. For men or women reading this, if you have not read Man from Mars and Women from Venus by John Gray, advisable to do so. If you have no time to read, let me share one very important tip here, just listen to your wife talk for 10 minutes without trying to provide solution, just listen attentively. Why? Because we need to express ourselves after a whole day of nagging the children to do this and to do that and being ignored; because this is how to release our energy, negatives and the positives. More positives will follow if you listen and empathise. Very simple but I know it is challenging to do after a hard day's work. 10 minutes only......you choose. Another very useful insight is when your relationship is not working, your life is not working, agree? Workplace and home is not mutually exclusive. You can't help bringing your emotional baggage from workplace to home and vice versa. So building your relationship is an invaluable life skill.
Think about this, understand that women gave up their great paying jobs when they begin to procreate,or when they are going through menopausal experiences or when they have no one to guide them with parenting skills for 21st century kids, feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled, not listened to, not valued nor respected. The least we could do is give them a safe space to have self expression. Only for those who feel this way, listening to them is invaluable to their sense of well being.
The idea of being a coach is to first put myself in the environment that serves me and continue to be supported and encouraged by like-minded people. It is easy to get back to our 'same old same old' pattern and get into a rut. It is not easy to give up watching HBO and to attend seminars that last till 12am or later than that, you know who I am talking about.....those who attend self development courses will know what I mean. They last for a few days, there must be reasons for this.
One day, my husband came back early and said he lost his job, I gave him a hug and said, "Welcome home". I often felt that he was lost in his world with a demanding job and probably lost himself in the concrete jungle too. That was my opinion. I think I am not far from the truth especially for those who love their pay and hate their job. These days when I share this comment with people, they can't help but agree with me. We had three teenagers to support and bills to pay. Life skills gave me that edge to stand up move forward with courage and action. There is always something to learn about yourself when you fall into the pit, you learn to get up. Of course, there were many days and nites where we played the blame game and spiral down until we were awaken through self development courses and coaching; we began to look from inside out. "The Universe always give you what you need". So profound for me when I attended the Differworld self development course and saw that flipchart on the wall. Yes, I dug into my savings and paid for as many self development courses as they came to me. Doors kept opening up and I chose to walk in, I see warts and I found more of me, gems that were unpolished! Scary? definitely very scary! Because you do things differently, you have to get out of your comfort zone. You either choose to walk with light even though you are uncertain where it might lead you and learn to trust or you continue falling into the bottomless pit! Dark, familiar, comfortable and cost nothing except your identity. When you are tired and have enough of playing the blame game, new possibilites becomes reality i.e. when you begin to break your old pattern and allow new gurus to teach you a thing or two. Let go of the 'old you' and experience the 'new you'.
I am cutting my story short unless you put a comment that you want to hear more of what happened after my husband lost his job.
Take actions to move forward. Setting goals, taking actions sounds simple, the process is not. We all have 'blind spots'. a Life Coach or a Personal Coach shows you your blind spots, encourage, support and empower you through this journey to work together with you and walk alongside to turn that into your new possibilities. Only those who have been coached in a coaching series of at least six sessions can truly say "I know what is Life Coaching." Coaching shortens your learning curve.
Give you bonus years.
This is what a Life Coach does, we get you out with dignity and support you through the scary and heart-wrenching journey to first have clarity of what you really want and create a vision of where you want to go.
If you are one of those who plateau in your growth, Life Coaching is about moving you forward to the next level. Achieving great things that you know is there, for some reason in a stuck state.
A Life Coach is someone who has gone through a course on Coaching. For a coach to first learn, he or she must be open to doing things differently. This is the beginning of building awareness of yourself as a Coach. The beginning of a journey of self discovery. The beginning of knowing yourself from inside out. The next best journey is taking the courage to uncondition yourself, recondition yourself and relearn what resonates with your heart. All these with the knowledge of gaining competencies of a Coach. The invaluable thing is, of course being coached by an experienced Coach! It sounds simple but not easy. It's definitely transformational and worth every minute and every cent. You get to know who you are and who you become. Dont you think this is worth it?
You can choose to be certified and that means you go through a list of criteria for you to be certified. More information can be found in www.resultscoaches.com.
You could also use the skills to apply in your workplace and at home using coaching conversations. Being supported in a community and sharing more tools helps you evolve. We need an environment that serves us to stay focus and connected with sharing insights. As you become familiar with the generic coaching skills, you can easily use it in all areas of your life. It has a ripple effect within the family, work-place and the community. For anything to change, it begin with you.
Life skills are crucial for parents and teachers to relearn a new way of developing confidence in their own lives and impacting their students as well as children's. Children unconsciously emulate us. Can you imagine the impact, when you get it, they get it. This I feel is self-leadership.
Quite meaningless. I am sure I am more than this! There must be a talent that I have besides telling my children about the TV show plot and they have to asked me to "Shhh.... mummy! we want to hear what they say." Besides telling them I was right and they were wrong and got everyone upset.
There was obviously a void in my life, filling them with shopping and TV didn't help either; Being married to a traditional man none better. For men or women reading this, if you have not read Man from Mars and Women from Venus by John Gray, advisable to do so. If you have no time to read, let me share one very important tip here, just listen to your wife talk for 10 minutes without trying to provide solution, just listen attentively. Why? Because we need to express ourselves after a whole day of nagging the children to do this and to do that and being ignored; because this is how to release our energy, negatives and the positives. More positives will follow if you listen and empathise. Very simple but I know it is challenging to do after a hard day's work. 10 minutes only......you choose. Another very useful insight is when your relationship is not working, your life is not working, agree? Workplace and home is not mutually exclusive. You can't help bringing your emotional baggage from workplace to home and vice versa. So building your relationship is an invaluable life skill.
Think about this, understand that women gave up their great paying jobs when they begin to procreate,or when they are going through menopausal experiences or when they have no one to guide them with parenting skills for 21st century kids, feeling unappreciated, unfulfilled, not listened to, not valued nor respected. The least we could do is give them a safe space to have self expression. Only for those who feel this way, listening to them is invaluable to their sense of well being.
The idea of being a coach is to first put myself in the environment that serves me and continue to be supported and encouraged by like-minded people. It is easy to get back to our 'same old same old' pattern and get into a rut. It is not easy to give up watching HBO and to attend seminars that last till 12am or later than that, you know who I am talking about.....those who attend self development courses will know what I mean. They last for a few days, there must be reasons for this.
One day, my husband came back early and said he lost his job, I gave him a hug and said, "Welcome home". I often felt that he was lost in his world with a demanding job and probably lost himself in the concrete jungle too. That was my opinion. I think I am not far from the truth especially for those who love their pay and hate their job. These days when I share this comment with people, they can't help but agree with me. We had three teenagers to support and bills to pay. Life skills gave me that edge to stand up move forward with courage and action. There is always something to learn about yourself when you fall into the pit, you learn to get up. Of course, there were many days and nites where we played the blame game and spiral down until we were awaken through self development courses and coaching; we began to look from inside out. "The Universe always give you what you need". So profound for me when I attended the Differworld self development course and saw that flipchart on the wall. Yes, I dug into my savings and paid for as many self development courses as they came to me. Doors kept opening up and I chose to walk in, I see warts and I found more of me, gems that were unpolished! Scary? definitely very scary! Because you do things differently, you have to get out of your comfort zone. You either choose to walk with light even though you are uncertain where it might lead you and learn to trust or you continue falling into the bottomless pit! Dark, familiar, comfortable and cost nothing except your identity. When you are tired and have enough of playing the blame game, new possibilites becomes reality i.e. when you begin to break your old pattern and allow new gurus to teach you a thing or two. Let go of the 'old you' and experience the 'new you'.
I am cutting my story short unless you put a comment that you want to hear more of what happened after my husband lost his job.
Take actions to move forward. Setting goals, taking actions sounds simple, the process is not. We all have 'blind spots'. a Life Coach or a Personal Coach shows you your blind spots, encourage, support and empower you through this journey to work together with you and walk alongside to turn that into your new possibilities. Only those who have been coached in a coaching series of at least six sessions can truly say "I know what is Life Coaching." Coaching shortens your learning curve.
Give you bonus years.
This is what a Life Coach does, we get you out with dignity and support you through the scary and heart-wrenching journey to first have clarity of what you really want and create a vision of where you want to go.
If you are one of those who plateau in your growth, Life Coaching is about moving you forward to the next level. Achieving great things that you know is there, for some reason in a stuck state.
What is a Life coach about?
A Life Coach is someone who has gone through a course on Coaching. For a coach to first learn, he or she must be open to doing things differently. This is the beginning of building awareness of yourself as a Coach. The beginning of a journey of self discovery. The beginning of knowing yourself from inside out. The next best journey is taking the courage to uncondition yourself, recondition yourself and relearn what resonates with your heart. All these with the knowledge of gaining competencies of a Coach. The invaluable thing is, of course being coached by an experienced Coach! It sounds simple but not easy. It's definitely transformational and worth every minute and every cent. You get to know who you are and who you become. Dont you think this is worth it?
You can choose to be certified and that means you go through a list of criteria for you to be certified. More information can be found in www.resultscoaches.com.
You could also use the skills to apply in your workplace and at home using coaching conversations. Being supported in a community and sharing more tools helps you evolve. We need an environment that serves us to stay focus and connected with sharing insights. As you become familiar with the generic coaching skills, you can easily use it in all areas of your life. It has a ripple effect within the family, work-place and the community. For anything to change, it begin with you.
Life skills are crucial for parents and teachers to relearn a new way of developing confidence in their own lives and impacting their students as well as children's. Children unconsciously emulate us. Can you imagine the impact, when you get it, they get it. This I feel is self-leadership.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
What teenagers say....what mothers feel...What women think....
My youngest daughter is 12. She said to me, "You think we don't know anything." We are better than adults, when we don't agree with our friends we talk it out, adults don't do that, you quarrel." I can't agree with her more. I felt a little ashame too. This is one of the unconditioning that I am talking about and have done a lot over the years. I am very much at peace now that I can accept people as who they are and who they are not, that gave me the peace within.
Some teenagers say:
"Adults like to nag and scold and refused to let us explain. They think they are right all the time and like to assume and threaten."
"They like to compare our results with cousins & friends!"
"They don't trust us!"
Children teach us what we forgot and when we keep focusing on their potential and trust, we could learn much from each other. Children came through us and are there to manifest what we couldn't see about ourselves. If you care to look closely, if you dare to look from within and if you have the courage to look beyond there is so much treasure that you can share.
I had lunch with a travel agent, she asked me what do I do. I said, I am a Life Coach. She said, "Oh, what is that? You are a sports coach? Swimming Coach? She sounded curious. We set down for lunch and I did my best to explain. The easiest
was to talk about something that both of us are interested in. I asked her whether she has kids and she said yes, and looked preoccupied. "So what is your challenge?" She said, "Kids are really different these days!" I did not hesitate to agree. She said, when you tell them this is wrong they purposely do it. Sometimes, they even said "I don't like you, and it hurts!" "They are so unlike us, when we were young and if our parents said don't do this, we stop." I liked what I heard because that is what my kids do too!
Hmm.... glad that I am not the only one suffering. Well, I am not a saddist, just felt that I am normal! I was excited to share with her how helpless I was 5 years' ago until I started working on myself. On reflection, that was really a journey of self-discovery, breaking the pattern, unconditioning myself and reconditioning myself. Now my kids are 18, 16 and 12! Teenagers! I used to shudder with just the thought of them coming to these scary ages. Guess, I dont shudder so much, just clinch at times. Thanks to learning coaching skills, it helps a thousand times. From a helpless parent to a parent who could parent with more confidence and with joy. She asked me, "So what happens when you start to change? I said, "Initially it wasn't easy, my children was not used to me changing the way I talk, the way I behave. They sometimes get angry with me." I continued, "Well, I was determined to do something different almost every day. Yes, I was not happy with my old self. I didn't even know I know myself any longer. I am sure many women knew what I meant. When you are awakened, you know that this is not you. No use trying to change others, it does not work that way. For anything to change, it begins with you! You desperately want to change, to do something about it. You know it is unstoppable when you so much as discover a glimpse of who you are and experience bits of new found confidence; That move you forward with hope."
I shared with her that I did group coaching for students to get to understand and take this as part of my research of why there is this gap between parents, teachers and students that I felt so strongly exist.
I have coached Real Estate Directors, Insurance Manager, IT Executives, Head of Department in School, Trainers and consultants to name a few; it has occurred to me that when your relationship is not working, your life is not working. Life skills is a must have, it does make a difference in the work-place. Whether you are a CEO or a parent, or an individual, when you are not happy at home, you are not happy at work and vice versa. No two ways about it.
Many people are beginning to ask for parent coach program. Group coaching for parents. Many women I believe, find their lives torn between two lovers living like fools. To leave their job or not to leave their job?. To be a stay-at-home mom is lonely, unrewarding & challenging especially when you are not equipped with communication skills & parenting skills; When the single income is insufficient to grapple with the rising cost of living and education for children. To stay too long out of the work force also means you would not have the confidence to go back when there is a need, or want to. Any comments?
Some teenagers say:
"Adults like to nag and scold and refused to let us explain. They think they are right all the time and like to assume and threaten."
"They like to compare our results with cousins & friends!"
"They don't trust us!"
Children teach us what we forgot and when we keep focusing on their potential and trust, we could learn much from each other. Children came through us and are there to manifest what we couldn't see about ourselves. If you care to look closely, if you dare to look from within and if you have the courage to look beyond there is so much treasure that you can share.
I had lunch with a travel agent, she asked me what do I do. I said, I am a Life Coach. She said, "Oh, what is that? You are a sports coach? Swimming Coach? She sounded curious. We set down for lunch and I did my best to explain. The easiest
was to talk about something that both of us are interested in. I asked her whether she has kids and she said yes, and looked preoccupied. "So what is your challenge?" She said, "Kids are really different these days!" I did not hesitate to agree. She said, when you tell them this is wrong they purposely do it. Sometimes, they even said "I don't like you, and it hurts!" "They are so unlike us, when we were young and if our parents said don't do this, we stop." I liked what I heard because that is what my kids do too!
Hmm.... glad that I am not the only one suffering. Well, I am not a saddist, just felt that I am normal! I was excited to share with her how helpless I was 5 years' ago until I started working on myself. On reflection, that was really a journey of self-discovery, breaking the pattern, unconditioning myself and reconditioning myself. Now my kids are 18, 16 and 12! Teenagers! I used to shudder with just the thought of them coming to these scary ages. Guess, I dont shudder so much, just clinch at times. Thanks to learning coaching skills, it helps a thousand times. From a helpless parent to a parent who could parent with more confidence and with joy. She asked me, "So what happens when you start to change? I said, "Initially it wasn't easy, my children was not used to me changing the way I talk, the way I behave. They sometimes get angry with me." I continued, "Well, I was determined to do something different almost every day. Yes, I was not happy with my old self. I didn't even know I know myself any longer. I am sure many women knew what I meant. When you are awakened, you know that this is not you. No use trying to change others, it does not work that way. For anything to change, it begins with you! You desperately want to change, to do something about it. You know it is unstoppable when you so much as discover a glimpse of who you are and experience bits of new found confidence; That move you forward with hope."
I shared with her that I did group coaching for students to get to understand and take this as part of my research of why there is this gap between parents, teachers and students that I felt so strongly exist.
I have coached Real Estate Directors, Insurance Manager, IT Executives, Head of Department in School, Trainers and consultants to name a few; it has occurred to me that when your relationship is not working, your life is not working. Life skills is a must have, it does make a difference in the work-place. Whether you are a CEO or a parent, or an individual, when you are not happy at home, you are not happy at work and vice versa. No two ways about it.
Many people are beginning to ask for parent coach program. Group coaching for parents. Many women I believe, find their lives torn between two lovers living like fools. To leave their job or not to leave their job?. To be a stay-at-home mom is lonely, unrewarding & challenging especially when you are not equipped with communication skills & parenting skills; When the single income is insufficient to grapple with the rising cost of living and education for children. To stay too long out of the work force also means you would not have the confidence to go back when there is a need, or want to. Any comments?
Monday, January 29, 2007
Universal Law
Every end of the month there is a 1 day seminar which is held on the last Sunday of the month. It's called the Universal Laws. Having attended many self development courses and working from within does help me to understand better the Universal Laws. After three Sundays, it has become clearer that we create our own reality. Simple as that. All we need to do is to love ourselves. It all begins with a thought. If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you are right too, you can't. We go around taking care of people and forget about ourselves. When we forget to fill our 'love' tank, we dried up. What is there to give? Maybe negative energies. When your tank is full, you have more to give. You attract people with your loving energies. You are free to embrace what is. Make sense so far? The universe does not judge, whatever you say you attract, so be careful what you say, or ask. As you sow, so shall you reap. Plant seeds of love and you get to enjoy the beautiful flowers and fruits of your labour. We forget, we are here to remember. Enjoy the moment:)
Thursday, January 25, 2007
My blog's name is changed
I thought it would be good for you to take note that I had changed my blog's name from: "http://www.parenting-dollycoaching.blogspot.com" to
Noticed there is no dash? Reason is to make it easier for people to remember.
Watch out for more useful information.
http:/www.parentingwithdolly.blogspot.com
Noticed there is no dash? Reason is to make it easier for people to remember.
Watch out for more useful information.
Indian Creek Prophecy from Mount Kinabalu, Sabah
This Indian Creek Prophecy poster caught my eye during my adventure to Mount Kinabalu on Nov 27, 2006. Whilst having our meal in the Kinabalu Park restaurant waiting for our food, this poster was displayed on one of the walls, I thought it was such a profound reminder for city dwellers like us.
When you are in a natural environment with people respecting the fauner & flora, animals and enjoying the fresh air, this poster is definitely in the right place. A sense of uncertainty came over me. How could we balance between survival and destroying nature? We must be blessed to enjoy this. The waitresses were very pleasant, attentive and efficient. I felt very peaceful, grateful and rested. The food was tasty too!
We arrived at the restaurant to have dinner and rest before we attempt to climb tomorrow morning to Laban Rata. The plan was to rest for 8 hours in Laban Rata then conquer the summit! A goal I had set last year 2006. As you probably could hear how this sound? An attempt, does not sound very committed isn't it? Yes, because this is a fitness goal combined with a goal to connect with family in an adventure. My husband, youngest daughter now 12 took that adventure with me. My husband had a managers' conference held in Kota Kinabalu city so we thought it would be a good time to take action! We intend to go snorkeling after the climb. I had a count down with the days written in my diary, even though I swam everyday and climbed a few times up the stairs to my 20 storey condo; it was still challenging to climb Mt Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia.
After searching the internet and googling for information and comments I managed to connect with a very helpful tour agent who answered all my queries to ensure my family are comfortable with this journey. I have had a great experience interacting with people in Kota Kinabalu. I am really grateful to them for their fantastic hospitality.
My husband was as busy as a bee. He left all the planning to me. I suspected he underestimated the mountain. At home, he did not go to the gym nor did any exercises. He thought his mental ability could pull him through. He is a very determined person. I guessed we learned something everyday. This time his concrete jungle knowledge, strategies and actions cannot help him in the real jungle! There is the very rocky vertical path, the thin air and the damp air. His thigh muscles started to ache not very far after we started because it is an ascending path. He perservered and pushed on, we were all given a bamboo stick to help us with every climb up.
When you deal with property, its location, location, location! When you climb its preparation, preparation, preparation! Practice, practice, practice! Mentally prepared and physically challenged.
We started the climb with a guide, every group must have a guide. Started at 9:20am, there were toilet breaks & stops for water provided by water tanks every 1 km, that is if you are gamed enough to drink them. When I imagined the water that flowed through the pipes into the tank and imagined the rust if there is, I decided not to refill my water bottle. We had enough to reach up to 2pm where we had lunch. A packed lunch of rice, hardboiled egg and a chicken wing. Of course, by the time we stop for lunch break, the food was cold! The wind was getting chilly because it was drizzling off and on and I guessed it could be the cloud that were around us. As soon as I stop walking, I cannot rest for more than 5 minutes. Beyond that the cold and tiredness set in.
I remembered groups of Singaporean students walking up and people descending. We would say "Hi!" I would asked them, "How was it, did you reach the summit?" Most of them would say, "It was cold so we didn't stay long on the summit, Good luck!"
I often wonder what they meant. Being kind and supportive, they said what they need to say and stop there. The rest was up to us to imagine. There was a couple, the man said, "I kept telling her, one step at a time." We met two ladies and I asked for muscle cream and she gave me the whole tube, such good souls. Bless them! That helped ease my husband's leg!
There were people who live up there and you can tell by the way they walked swiftly up and down. Our guide was so strong. He was often on the phone with one hand and the other with our large bag. Most of the time ahead of us, waiting.
By the time we reached 2,700M, the guide took a look at us and said, "I think you may want to consider moving back down to reach the gate when you can still catch the daylight. The gate close at 4pm but I can call them & request for them to wait." He then led us to take a look at the very rocky vertical ascend that helped us quickly decide there and then that we have to turn back! So you can imagine how the three of us looked like? Very tired after 8 hours of climbing. I was surprised his cellphone was working so well at that height. He helped us carry our bag filled with jacket, a change of clothes to change at Laban Rata stop over. We were supposed to reach there - a base camp to recuperate for a few hours before we were to start climbing at 2:30am to catch the sunrise at the summit. That was the plan.
My husband suggested that my daughter & I could go ahead and he descend. I dont know whether I was happy or disappointed. The summit is 4,095.2M. I was tired too, but his aching thigh could not take the vertical climb at that point. We are sensible people. My daughter was tired but her muscles are strong. The guide would not let us split. No one walk without a guide. We go up as a family, we come down as a family. Coming down means using a different set of muscles! Not any easier. We were so glad we had the bamboo sticks to assist our descend.
So much for now. Will continue another day. Got to sleep you know:)
Well, well! I slept that long? Today is June 23 Friday. My two teenage girls & my niece are bugging me to play 'Monopoly' with them. Will I get to finish my blog?
This South African lady whom I met sometime in May this year through coaching activities said she enjoyed my blog and I love her sense of humor. She said, you wrote this climbing up the mountain thing and as I was reading, I noticed I dont know where is this place, and then you wrote about your feeling in such a way about not completing the mountain and a subtle way of putting it when your husband could not make it. Then you finished by saying you got to sleep. She was expecting more! She is so funny. Yah, I realised I took a long time to get back to blog.
Ok, a little introduction about Mount Kinabalu in Sabah, East Malaysia. I was told is one of the most beautiful and underdeveloped resort. I can see hotels being built and construction work on. Sipadan island is one of the islands off Sabah. The most sought after diving spots. Kinabalu City is certainly not a shopping paradise. A resort and diving paradise. Crystal clear water and unspoilt corals. Of course, unfortunately we could not enjoy that! Scroll down to find out why.
As we descend we used different sets of muscles and that was not easy too. I was glad to walk back as we approached the gate, the gatekeeper was alone waiting for us.
The sky got darker and we hopped into a van, drove through the winding greenery and back to the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. What a relief!
That was what I thought! We did not book a room in Kinabalu Park for that nite! We were supposed to stay in Laban Rata. As there was only one restaurant in Kinabalu Park, the idea of walking anywhere does not appeal to us. There are very nice lodges on the hill slopes around the Kinabalu Park. Fortunately, there is a room available on the same floor of the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. It doesn't matter how much it cost, we were so grateful that we dont have to walk! We took it without hesitation and disregard the cost. Thanks to my husband's generosity! Then we realised the master bedroom is one floor above the living and TV room. It was a suite. My daughter was hungry and tired and she felt sick. Fortunately, after dinner she recovered. Both my whole legs' muscles aches were creeping up and lifting up my leg began to feel very heavy. Then my husband had to tell me, "Tomorrow would be worst!" Oh, not looking forward to it. After dinner we quickly showered and struggled upstairs, not wanting to come down anymore until tomorrow morning.
The initial plan to go snorkelling was gone. Can't even lift up my leg above six inches to walk up a few steps! Slow motion, yes.
On our way down to Kinabalu city, we had a different guide and a driver all to ourselves. He shared a great insight and fortunately I wrote it down. When you ascend, oxygen goes to your weakest part of your body, and when your husband's thigh started to ache, oxygen goes to his thigh muscles and not enough to the brain, therefore, you canot breath properly as you ascend to higher altitude. The preparation for you is to go to the gym to use the 'step up' machine.
No preparation means the lung and leg muscles were affected.
Indian Creek Prophecy
"Only after :
the last tree that has been cut
the last fish that has been caught
the last river that has been poisoned
then will we realised that money cannot be eaten"
When you are in a natural environment with people respecting the fauner & flora, animals and enjoying the fresh air, this poster is definitely in the right place. A sense of uncertainty came over me. How could we balance between survival and destroying nature? We must be blessed to enjoy this. The waitresses were very pleasant, attentive and efficient. I felt very peaceful, grateful and rested. The food was tasty too!
We arrived at the restaurant to have dinner and rest before we attempt to climb tomorrow morning to Laban Rata. The plan was to rest for 8 hours in Laban Rata then conquer the summit! A goal I had set last year 2006. As you probably could hear how this sound? An attempt, does not sound very committed isn't it? Yes, because this is a fitness goal combined with a goal to connect with family in an adventure. My husband, youngest daughter now 12 took that adventure with me. My husband had a managers' conference held in Kota Kinabalu city so we thought it would be a good time to take action! We intend to go snorkeling after the climb. I had a count down with the days written in my diary, even though I swam everyday and climbed a few times up the stairs to my 20 storey condo; it was still challenging to climb Mt Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia.
After searching the internet and googling for information and comments I managed to connect with a very helpful tour agent who answered all my queries to ensure my family are comfortable with this journey. I have had a great experience interacting with people in Kota Kinabalu. I am really grateful to them for their fantastic hospitality.
My husband was as busy as a bee. He left all the planning to me. I suspected he underestimated the mountain. At home, he did not go to the gym nor did any exercises. He thought his mental ability could pull him through. He is a very determined person. I guessed we learned something everyday. This time his concrete jungle knowledge, strategies and actions cannot help him in the real jungle! There is the very rocky vertical path, the thin air and the damp air. His thigh muscles started to ache not very far after we started because it is an ascending path. He perservered and pushed on, we were all given a bamboo stick to help us with every climb up.
When you deal with property, its location, location, location! When you climb its preparation, preparation, preparation! Practice, practice, practice! Mentally prepared and physically challenged.
We started the climb with a guide, every group must have a guide. Started at 9:20am, there were toilet breaks & stops for water provided by water tanks every 1 km, that is if you are gamed enough to drink them. When I imagined the water that flowed through the pipes into the tank and imagined the rust if there is, I decided not to refill my water bottle. We had enough to reach up to 2pm where we had lunch. A packed lunch of rice, hardboiled egg and a chicken wing. Of course, by the time we stop for lunch break, the food was cold! The wind was getting chilly because it was drizzling off and on and I guessed it could be the cloud that were around us. As soon as I stop walking, I cannot rest for more than 5 minutes. Beyond that the cold and tiredness set in.
I remembered groups of Singaporean students walking up and people descending. We would say "Hi!" I would asked them, "How was it, did you reach the summit?" Most of them would say, "It was cold so we didn't stay long on the summit, Good luck!"
I often wonder what they meant. Being kind and supportive, they said what they need to say and stop there. The rest was up to us to imagine. There was a couple, the man said, "I kept telling her, one step at a time." We met two ladies and I asked for muscle cream and she gave me the whole tube, such good souls. Bless them! That helped ease my husband's leg!
There were people who live up there and you can tell by the way they walked swiftly up and down. Our guide was so strong. He was often on the phone with one hand and the other with our large bag. Most of the time ahead of us, waiting.
By the time we reached 2,700M, the guide took a look at us and said, "I think you may want to consider moving back down to reach the gate when you can still catch the daylight. The gate close at 4pm but I can call them & request for them to wait." He then led us to take a look at the very rocky vertical ascend that helped us quickly decide there and then that we have to turn back! So you can imagine how the three of us looked like? Very tired after 8 hours of climbing. I was surprised his cellphone was working so well at that height. He helped us carry our bag filled with jacket, a change of clothes to change at Laban Rata stop over. We were supposed to reach there - a base camp to recuperate for a few hours before we were to start climbing at 2:30am to catch the sunrise at the summit. That was the plan.
My husband suggested that my daughter & I could go ahead and he descend. I dont know whether I was happy or disappointed. The summit is 4,095.2M. I was tired too, but his aching thigh could not take the vertical climb at that point. We are sensible people. My daughter was tired but her muscles are strong. The guide would not let us split. No one walk without a guide. We go up as a family, we come down as a family. Coming down means using a different set of muscles! Not any easier. We were so glad we had the bamboo sticks to assist our descend.
So much for now. Will continue another day. Got to sleep you know:)
Well, well! I slept that long? Today is June 23 Friday. My two teenage girls & my niece are bugging me to play 'Monopoly' with them. Will I get to finish my blog?
This South African lady whom I met sometime in May this year through coaching activities said she enjoyed my blog and I love her sense of humor. She said, you wrote this climbing up the mountain thing and as I was reading, I noticed I dont know where is this place, and then you wrote about your feeling in such a way about not completing the mountain and a subtle way of putting it when your husband could not make it. Then you finished by saying you got to sleep. She was expecting more! She is so funny. Yah, I realised I took a long time to get back to blog.
Ok, a little introduction about Mount Kinabalu in Sabah, East Malaysia. I was told is one of the most beautiful and underdeveloped resort. I can see hotels being built and construction work on. Sipadan island is one of the islands off Sabah. The most sought after diving spots. Kinabalu City is certainly not a shopping paradise. A resort and diving paradise. Crystal clear water and unspoilt corals. Of course, unfortunately we could not enjoy that! Scroll down to find out why.
As we descend we used different sets of muscles and that was not easy too. I was glad to walk back as we approached the gate, the gatekeeper was alone waiting for us.
The sky got darker and we hopped into a van, drove through the winding greenery and back to the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. What a relief!
That was what I thought! We did not book a room in Kinabalu Park for that nite! We were supposed to stay in Laban Rata. As there was only one restaurant in Kinabalu Park, the idea of walking anywhere does not appeal to us. There are very nice lodges on the hill slopes around the Kinabalu Park. Fortunately, there is a room available on the same floor of the Kinabalu Park Restaurant. It doesn't matter how much it cost, we were so grateful that we dont have to walk! We took it without hesitation and disregard the cost. Thanks to my husband's generosity! Then we realised the master bedroom is one floor above the living and TV room. It was a suite. My daughter was hungry and tired and she felt sick. Fortunately, after dinner she recovered. Both my whole legs' muscles aches were creeping up and lifting up my leg began to feel very heavy. Then my husband had to tell me, "Tomorrow would be worst!" Oh, not looking forward to it. After dinner we quickly showered and struggled upstairs, not wanting to come down anymore until tomorrow morning.
The initial plan to go snorkelling was gone. Can't even lift up my leg above six inches to walk up a few steps! Slow motion, yes.
On our way down to Kinabalu city, we had a different guide and a driver all to ourselves. He shared a great insight and fortunately I wrote it down. When you ascend, oxygen goes to your weakest part of your body, and when your husband's thigh started to ache, oxygen goes to his thigh muscles and not enough to the brain, therefore, you canot breath properly as you ascend to higher altitude. The preparation for you is to go to the gym to use the 'step up' machine.
No preparation means the lung and leg muscles were affected.
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